The Solemnity of Holy Family gives us the opportunity to reflect on God’s plan for the family. We could spend time today considering advice about making your family psychologically healthier, more functional, happier, etc. In fact, our first reading from the book of Sirach gives a fair amount of advice on this topic: “he who obeys his father brings comfort to his mother; take care of your father when he is old even if his mind fails, be considerate of him.” Sirach is filled with such good practical bits of advice, and all of us would do very well to sit down with this wonderful book and consider how its advice could be applied to the concrete details of our life.
St. Paul, too, in the second reading, gives some wonderful advice: Put on, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another.” Again, good advice for families, especially that last part. Sometimes family members are the hardest to love; we come face to face with each other’s faults and vices; but when we fail to forgive one another and be patient with one another, our families fall apart.
These readings offer, sound advice; if you are a Christian or not, a member of Christ’s faithful or a person of no faith, you would be hard-up to disagree with any of that advice.
But today, on this Holy Family Sunday, we need to go a little deeper than psychological advice. We need to consider what it means for the family to be holy, to be a place where family members can grow in sanctity. So let’s look to the Gospel to the members of the Holy Family to learn how our families may become holy like theirs.
First, it’s easy to forget, that the Holy Family of Joseph, Mary, and Jesus, was a real family. We have all seen paintings and holy cards that depict them in a super-pious, unrealistic way. But they were real human beings, just like us, and they lived in the real world, the fallen world, just like us. The fact that Mary and Jesus were unaffected by original sin and that Joseph was a saint doesn't change the reality of their family life and their struggles.
In today's Gospel, we hear how Mary and Joseph were filled with “great anxiety”—they were worried sick—over the loss of Jesus. We have all experienced “great anxiety” in relation to our families and relationships. So being holy doesn’t mean we don’t have anxiety, challenges, struggles, or trials.
Here’s the first lesson we can learn from the Holy family—HOW they endured their anxiety. Mary and Joseph were filled with anxiety over the losing Jesus, but they did not lose faith or curse God. Notice how Mary and Joseph don’t stand around blaming each other for losing Jesus. They endured the anxiety together, and they went to look for the Christ, together.
Husbands and wives, families, the lesson is clear isn’t it: in times of anxiety, fear, anger, uncertainty, sadness, frustration, helplessness, stick together and don’t lose faith.
In a way, God used their anxiety over losing Jesus for three days in Jerusalem in order to prepare them for a bigger trial. About 20 years after this incident, Mary would have to undergo a greater trial of faith, she would have to witness her Son undergoing his Passion and Death.
So again, A mark of holiness is the ability to undergo suffering with faith. God allows sufferings to cross our paths, not because he likes torturing us, but because he wants to purify us, to help us grow in wisdom, to strengthen us for greater trials to come, to draw us closer and closer to his own suffering heart. A priest friend of mine often says, “everything prepares us for something else.” The suffering of yesterday and the suffering of today prepares us for the greater inevitable suffering of tomorrow.
A second lesson. Notice, how Jesus responded to Mary. He doesn't apologize for having gone off on his own without telling them. Instead, he simply says that they should have known that they could find him in the Temple, which he calls "his Father's house."
Jesus was not guilty of breaking the Fourth Commandment to honor your father and mother by going to His Father’s House. Jesus was twelve-years-old, the age of adulthood in the Jewish Community. And he made a choice to seek out His Heavenly Father’s House to attend to his heavenly Father’s business.
The second mark of holiness Jesus shows us is that our primary responsibility in life, our primary mission, is to find and follow God's call. Nothing, not even the strong, deep ties of family affection and loyalty, should interfere with doing God’s will. We sometimes experience a tug-of-war for our loyalty—God or family, God or country, God or place of employment. Our primary loyalty is to God.
Prioritizing faith over worldly concerns is rarely easy. During the holidays, we know how easy it is to become overly concerned with the secular dimensions of Christmas, and the struggle of keeping Christ at the center of our celebrations. And throughout the year, there is the struggle of putting faith first. Sometimes the kids or one’s spouse aren’t always enthusiastic about coming to Mass or praying together throughout the week. Sometimes one’s spouse might pressure you to disobey Church teaching concerning the use of artificial contraception. But remaining faithful to our Heavenly Father is of the greatest importance. In a sense, we are each members of two families, aren’t we? Born as children to biological families and born in baptism as children of God. I know this is hard, but our greatest loyalty is to God.
I’ve known several priests whose parents kicked them out of the house for entering seminary. Recall the story of St. Francis of Assis. His father wished him to take over the family business. Francis’ father publically disowned his son for turning away from the family business in order to follow God’s call. Sometimes children face tremendous pressure from parents wanting their children to be successful in the eyes of the world instead of the eyes of God. But, Christian parents have as their vocation not just ensuring their children become psychologically well-adjusted, athletically competitive, or financially successful, but that their children know and follow Jesus Christ.
Finally, after discovering Jesus in the temple, St. Luke tells us that Mary “kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.” She examined the events of her life, the trials of her family, her experience of anxiety, her fervent searching for Christ, and pondered them in her heart.
Here a third mark of holiness: Meditating on God’s will, examining our life in the light of Scripture and the teachings of the Church. Even the pagan philosopher Socrates knew that the unexamined life is not worth living. We like Mary are to examine how God is working in our life.
Every day, we do well, to set aside time for this sort of prayerful reflection. Without this sort of reflection and meditation we will never achieve the emotional or spiritual growth God wants for us. Without prayerful reflection we miss the life lessons God wants for us, and we fail to appreciate and give thanks for the blessings of God and seek forgiveness for our failings. You might consider in the new year to begin a spiritual journal, in which you reflect on your life in light of the Scriptures or the life of the saints. A family does well too, to discuss scripture throughout the week.
On this Holy Family Sunday let us commit to making our families holy by assisting each other in discerning and following God’s will for our lives, in bearing our anxieties, trials, and sufferings with faith, and encouraging each other in engaging in those life-giving practices of mind and soul for the glory of God and salvation of souls.
