I remember a few years ago at a previous assignment, a young man approached me and confessed that he would like to be an altar server, but his father would not allow it because his father did not want to bring him to church. This is a Catholic child, in a catholic school, saddened and confused because his family refused to go to Church. We have young people in this parish who carry a similar sadness.
Catholic spouses, on the day of their wedding, exchange vows to each other, but they also make promises to God about their future children. The priest explicitly asks the bride and groom: do you promise to raise your children according to the law of Christ and His Church. That promise is repeated several times in the ritual for baptism: In bringing your children to be baptized, you are accepting the responsibility of training them in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring them up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?
The role of parents is paramount. Parents who take their role seriously raise their children to love Jesus to know and follow His commands. St Paul even talks about this responsibility in his letter to the Ephesians: “Fathers… bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
I bring up this topic of the role of parents in light of our scripture readings this weekend. In the first reading, we hear of the origin of marriage—how God, responding to Adam’s desire for a wife, creates Eve to be lifelong companion and mother. The passage uses poetic language to describe a spiritual reality. “The two become one” Genesis says. The future of two individual souls become intertwined for a unified purpose: the salvation of their souls and the procreation of children.
This passage is so important that it is one of very few times that Jesus, in his ministry, quotes word-for-word a passage from the Old Testament; I think it’s the longest passage he quotes in all of the Gospels.
In a lawful, sacramental marriage, the Lord teaches, the two have become one—they are a new creation, they are joined together by God and cannot be separated by any human power. What God has joined man cannot separate.
And then, immediately after this teaching about marriage, St. Mark tells us that parents were bringing their children to be blessed by the Lord. These are very good parents who recognize Jesus’ authentic teaching. At this point in the Gospel, Jesus’ disciples do not understand how good this is, for when they tell the parents to go away—that Jesus has more important things to do—Jesus rebukes his disciples: never, ever, do anything, to keep a child from knowing, and loving, and being blessed by the Lord Jesus.
The psychological and spiritual good of children is one reason why God has forbidden divorce. Our Catechism says that divorce is a “grave offense” that causes “grave harm” and leaves children traumatized.
The book, “Primal Loss” contains heartbreaking descriptions of the trauma of divorce upon children. One adult child of divorce wrote: “I was devastated as a child when my dad drove away, and I will never forget standing in our front yard literally screaming: “Come back!” I didn’t understand what was happening, and my three-year-old sister certainly didn’t understand. I remember my maternal grandma grabbing me, telling me he loved other women and to stop screaming…I “survived” the divorce, but the fallout wasn’t pretty: lots of acting out and “unsettled” behavior”. It really skewed the way I looked at guys and what I thought “love” was. If marriage wasn’t forever, why should anything else be?”
The “foreverness” of marriage, the indissolubility of it, is for the good of the spouses and the good of children. This is something we cover very seriously with engaged couples preparing for Christian marriage, to work on healthy communication and healthy faith lives, not only for their good, but the good of their children.
Divorce lawyers and our throw-away culture incentivize divorce, and have virtually normalized it. This makes Catholic teaching counter-cultural. But trust not in popular opinion but in the Lord, and commit to doing everything we can to promote happy, healthy, holy marriage. For as marriage goes, there goes the culture. If healthy, Christian marriage is promoted in a culture, the culture will endure, the future will have hope. The fate of the world, in a sense, is bound to our faithfulness to these very passages today.
If your marriage is going through a rocky time, don’t give up. Marriage is resilient. The Church is here to help you develop the skills you need to endure the rockiness. Often enduring rockiness entails developing healthier communication and conflict resolution skills, and for couples to learn to pray for and with one another.
If you, like me, are a child of divorce, renew your trust in the Lord, go to Him for healing, pray for the ability to forgive your fallible parents, and to learn from their mistakes.
If you are a divorced Catholic, I urge you, don’t give up on the faith. Turn to the Lord for healing. There is a support group for divorced Catholics in our district.
If you are a widow or widower: thank God for the good times, and don’t be afraid to share your wisdom with the younger generations.
If you are divorced and remarried outside the Church…well, that’s a whole other topic. Best to review the Church’s teaching on this matter, and plan on setting up a meeting with your parish clergy to discuss it.
And if you are a Christian married couple: pray daily for faithfulness to those marriage vows: to love, honor, and serve your spouse, to be examples of faith for your children, a signs of the Lord’s ever-faithful love to your fellow Christians and to the world
May each of us, celibate, married, or single, commit to setting good example for the younger generation to whom we pass the faith, that they may never be hindered by our poor example from coming to the Lord, loving him, finding the meaning of their lives in Him for the glory of God and salvation of souls.
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