Last week, the Telegraph, a british periodical, reported on a study of what 2000 children put on their wish-list for Christmas. A “pet horse” was the third most popular choice. Many children asked for ipads and ipods. Some quirky kids asked for a “time machine”, “a donkey”, “an elephant”, a “real live reindeer” or “Harry Styles from One Direction”. I neither know who Harry Styles is or what One Direction is, nor do I want to, but our young people probably do.
Yet, atop this list of toys and treats, at the number one spot, was…can you guess? The request for a new baby brother or sister. For the days of large families have come to an end, especially in Europe, whose population is in decline because the birth rate is so low. Our nation, as well, has tipped, into negative population growth for a number of reasons including the breakdown of marriages, divorce, gross materialism, and the explosion in use of artificial contraception. Families are having less children, in fact, we are even seeing a decline in families in general—less marriages, more cohabitation, less children.
And so this request for a new baby brother or sister is very telling—children are yearning, not for the toys and electronics, but for real human experience, real family experience. Blessed Pope John Paul II, seeing this plague of childlessness growing said, “The greatest gift you can give your child is another sibling.” He knew what he was saying. He knew the implications, what this meant for mothers and fathers, and the sacrifices that go along with it. And he encouraged married people to be generous in their cooperation with the Creator in bringing new life into the world.
Yet, another item on this Christmas wish list is very telling. In the number 10 spot, children asked, for a dad. ‘A Dad’—‘a father’—is not something children should not have to put on their Christmas list. That should be a given. This children know that ‘a dad’ should not be missing from their life.
This is not to say that single-parents are not courageous and trying their hardest to provide for a healthy, loving, holy upbringing for their children. But as Catholics we acknowledge the Creator’s design for the family as being very important for the emotional and psychological and spiritual health of children.
Statistics show many of the consequences of fatherless households. Boys whose parents are divorced or never married are two to three times more likely to end up in jail as adults. Children whose parents get and stay married are healthier and also much less likely to suffer mental illness, including depression and teen suicide.
Many of us today may have more formal education, money and opportunities than our ancestors. Yet family life and marriage is also crumbling like never before. The fact that a sibling and a dad ranked so high on these Christmas wish-lists is very disturbing. But it is also a sign of hope. These children who long for a father, who long for a healthy family, seem to know that happiness is not found in more stuff and more money, and that families should be healthier than they are.
The Second Vatican Council was prophetic in many ways. The Council fathers saw the growing materialism, the breaking down of families, the braced the Church for the upcoming cultural revolutions. The Feast of the Holy Family was a direct result of Vatican II, it was added to the liturgical Calendar that we might celebrate the dignity of the family and that our savior was born as a member of a family.
The Feast of the Holy Family was added to the Liturgical Calendar to be celebrated the first Sunday after Christmas, at a time when I think most of us – after the parties and cooking and visiting and obligations and expectations and disappointments — have started to have about as much “family” as we can take—perhaps during the Christmas celebrations we confront the brokenness of many of our families.
But, when we speak of the Holy Family, we speak of a family that struggled and suffered, like so many of us.
The story of the Holy Family is the story of life not always turning out the way you expected. It’s the story of a teenage mother, conceiving a child before the wedding. It’s the story of an anxious foster father, planning on divorce. It’s the story of a family forced to flee to a foreign land because of a hostile government and become refugees, living as immigrants in the land that once held their ancestors as slaves. As we heard in today’s gospel, it’s the story of a boy who disappeared, and days of anxious searching by his parents.
But, this family also knew profound hope and trusted completely in God, and they call all of us to that kind of trust, when we are facing the many trials of our lives. They stand beside all who worry, who struggle, who search, who pray. For they gave themselves fully to God, and made their family life a prayer and sacrifice to Him and for His glory.
How do we obtain their level of trust, their level of faith, their level of love for each other? Statistics continue to show the importance of family prayer for the happiness of families. Moms and Dads who take the time to pray with one another and with their children have a huge impact. The importance of Sunday worship is undeniable. Families that pray together stay together. And families who are involved in some sort of volunteer work together. But the key word is together.
Separate televisions in separate rooms, separate meals at separate times, separate this and separate that, are disastrous. Families need to nurture togetherness, especially in a culture that is driving families apart.
Today the Church calls our attention to not simply the importance of family life, but the necessity that our families be holy. But, the definition of holiness and the definition of the family are not something that we have to invent. In fact, we get in trouble when reinvent what God has already defined. The definition of the family and the definition of marriage are meant to be received from God. Happiness and holiness are found in family life not when the family is divorced from God, rather when it is immersed in the sacramental community of the Church.
May all families be generous in following the commandments of God, generous in their love towards each other, and generous in their charity towards all, for the glory of God and salvation of souls.
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