The Solemnity of Holy Family gives us the opportunity to
reflect on what makes a family Holy. We
could spend time today considering advice about making your family
psychologically healthier, more functional, happier, etc. In fact, our first reading from the book of
Sirach gives a fair amount of advice on this topic: “he who obeys his father
brings comfort to his mother; take care of your father when he is old even if
his mind fails, be considerate of him.” Sirach is filled with such good
practical bits of advice, and all of us would do very well to sit down with
this wonderful book and consider how its advice could be applied to the
concrete details of our life.
St. Paul, too, in the second reading, gives some wonderful
advice: Put on, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and
patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another.” Again, good
advice for families, especially that last part.
Sometimes family members are the hardest to love; we come face to face
with each other’s faults and vices; but when we fail to forgive one another and
be patient with one another, our families fall apart.
These readings offer, sound advice; if you are a Christian
or not, a member of Christ’s faithful or a person of no faith, you would be
hard-up to disagree with any of that advice.
But today, on this Holy Family Sunday, we need to go a
little deeper than psychological advice. We need to consider what it means for
the family to be holy, to be a place where family members can grow in sanctity. So let’s look to the Gospel to the members of
the Holy Family to learn how our families may become holy like theirs.
First, it’s easy to forget, that the Holy Family of Joseph,
Mary, and Jesus, was a real family. We have all seen paintings and holy cards
that depict them in a super-pious, unrealistic way. But they were real human
beings, just like us, and they lived in the real world, the fallen world, just
like us. The fact that Mary and Jesus were unaffected by original sin and that
Joseph was a saint doesn't change the reality of their family life and their
struggles.
In today's Gospel, we hear how Mary and Joseph were filled
with “great anxiety”—they were worried sick—over the loss of Jesus. We have all experienced “great anxiety” in
relation to our families and relationships.
So being holy doesn’t mean we don’t have anxiety, challenges, struggles,
or trials.
Here’s the first lesson we can learn from the Holy family—HOW
they endured their anxiety. Mary and
Joseph were filled with anxiety over the losing Jesus, but they did not lose
faith or curse God. Notice how Mary and
Joseph don’t stand around blaming each other for losing Jesus. They endured the anxiety together, and they
went to look for the Christ, together.
Husbands and wives, families, the lesson is clear isn’t it:
in times of anxiety, fear, anger, uncertainty, sadness, frustration,
helplessness, stick together and don’t lose faith.
In a way, God used their anxiety over losing Jesus for three
days in Jerusalem in order to prepare them for a bigger trial. About 20 years after this incident, Mary
would have to undergo a greater trial of faith, she would have to witness her
Son undergoing his Passion and Death.
So again, A mark of holiness is the ability to undergo
suffering with faith. God allows
sufferings to cross our paths, not because he likes torturing us, but because
he wants to purify us, to help us grow in wisdom, to strengthen us for greater
trials to come, to draw us closer and closer to his own suffering heart. A
priest friend of mine often says, “everything prepares us for something else.”
The suffering of yesterday and the suffering of today prepares us for the
greater inevitable suffering of tomorrow.
A second lesson. Notice, how Jesus responded to Mary. He doesn't apologize for having gone off on
his own without telling them. Instead, he simply says that they should have
known that they could find him in the Temple, which he calls "his Father's
house."
Jesus was not guilty of breaking the Fourth Commandment to
honor your father and mother by going to His Father’s House. Jesus was twelve-years-old, they age they
were considered adults in the Jewish Community.
And he made a choice to seek out His Father’s House to attend to his
heavenly Father’s business.
The second mark of holiness Jesus shows us is that our
primary responsibility in life, our primary mission, is to find and follow
God's call. Nothing, not even the strong, deep ties of family affection and
loyalty, should interfere with doing God’s will. We sometimes experience a
tug-of-war for our loyalty—God or family, God or country, God or place of
employment. Our primary loyalty is to
God.
I’ve known several priests whose parents kicked them out of
the house for entering seminary. Recall the story of St. Francis of Assisi. His father wished him to take over the family
business. Francis’ father publicly
disowned his son for turning away from the family business in order to follow
God’s call. Sometimes children face tremendous pressure from parents wanting
their children to be successful in the eyes of the world instead of the eyes of
God. But, Christian parents have as
their vocation not just ensuring their children become psychologically
well-adjusted, but that their children know and follow Christ.
Especially during the holidays, we know how family can
sometimes try our faith. Sometimes the
kids or one’s spouse aren’t always enthusiastic about coming to Mass or praying
together throughout the week. Sometimes one’s
spouse might pressure you to disobey Church teaching concerning the use of artificial
contraception. Confronting a family
member engaging in immoral practices isn’t easy. But remaining faithful to our
Heavenly Father is of the greatest importance.
In a sense, we are each members of two families, aren’t we? Born as
children to biological families and born in baptism as children of God. I know this is hard, but our greatest loyalty
is to God.
Finally, after discovering Jesus in the temple, St. Luke
tells us that Mary “kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.” She
examined the events of her life, the trials of her family, her experience of
anxiety, her fervent searching for Christ, and pondered them in her heart.
Here a third mark of holiness: Meditating on God’s will,
examining our life in the light of Scripture and the teachings of the
Church. Even the pagan philosopher Socrates
knew that the unexamined life is not worth living. We like Mary are to examine how God is working
in our life.
Every day, we do well, to set aside time for this sort of
prayerful reflection. Without this sort
of reflection and meditation we will never achieve the emotional or spiritual
growth God wants for us. Without prayerful reflection we miss the life lessons
God wants for us, and we fail to appreciate and give thanks for the blessings of
God and seek forgiveness for our failings. You might consider in the new year
to begin a spiritual journal, in which you reflect on your life in light of the
Scriptures or the life of the saints. Families do well to sit down and talk about
On this Holy Family Sunday let us commit to making our
families holy by assisting each other in discerning and following God’s will
for our lives, in bearing our anxieties, trials, and sufferings with faith, and
encouraging each other in engaging in those life-giving practices of mind and
soul for the glory of God and salvation of souls.
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