10 contestants have the opportunity to win half a million dollars by trying to survive out in the wilderness for as long as they can. They have to forage and hunt for food, build shelters, fend off bears and wild cats, with very few supplies. They have no communication with the outside world except for periodic medical checks and to radio in the call when they are ready to give up.
Each season, there are typically a few contestants that don’t last a week, unable to overcome the physical obstacles, the weather, and finding food. Those lasting past that initial hurdle have to deal with quite another difficulty: themselves, their own hearts and the psychological strain of loneliness. Many contestants describe how memories and mistakes from the past bubble up out of their unconsconcious; their regrets, their woundedness, painful memories from childhood. Many of the contestants tap out because they simply cannot not handle being Alone with themselves when they don’t have Netflix and iphones to distract them from their inner struggles.
In the Church’s history, there have been men and women who have intentionally gone out into the wilderness, out into the desert in order to be alone with God. We call them the Desert Fathers and Mothers: like St. Anthony of the Desert. Modern day Hermits like Thomas Merton follow in that tradition. Many times throughout the Gospels, the Lord Jesus goes out into the wilderness. Immediately, after his baptism, what does he do? He goes out into the desert--the place of Trial, the place of Temptation, where he comes face to face with his own temptations.
So too the Desert Fathers and Mothers, go into the desert for Spiritual Combat, in order to confront their inner demons, to seek detachment from earthly things and purification from their vices, to learn how to rely on the will of providence of the Father, and to allow the Word of God to truly take root in them.
In the Gospel this weekend, the Lord seeks to teach his disciples a lesson, one of the most important lessons of the Christian life, that Christianity isn’t simply about appearances, but interior conversion.
The Pharisees were obsessed with cleanliness and appearances. Cleanliness is next to Godliness sure, but it’s not the same. Christians aren’t simply to be physically clean, but interiorly clean, clean in mind, clean of heart. Blessed are the clean of heart, the pure of heart, he says, in the beatitudes, for they shall see God.
Of course, Christians will have to suffer through a lot of things beyond our control. Earthquakes, floods, disease, pandemics, persecutions, inept and corrupt governments. But those things, ultimately cannot keep us from seeing God. “From within people, from their hearts, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile.”
One of the reasons I love watching that show Alone is that it’s a reminder, strip away everything from modern life, all the distractions, and I still have to deal with what’s in here. And not all of it is good. We take our selfishness and lust and fear with us, wherever we go—whether it’s the wilderness or the supermarket. And Christianity is wonderfully honest about that. Because when we humbly acknowledge our sins and our woundedness, these things can be healed. When we expose the darkness in our hearts to the light of Christ, and allow the Lord to forgive us and heal us, we become the people God made us to be, we see God working in our life, leading us to eternal life.
This week we celebrated the feast of the great Bishop, St. Augustine. St. Augustine is known for writing what is basically the first autobiography in Western Civilization, called the Confessions. St. Augustine, a Bishop in his 60s, writes this autobiography reflecting on his journey toward Christ, he wasn’t always a Catholic. In this writings he confesses an adolescence misspent in serious sin, the works of the flesh: lust, promiscuity, pride, theft. He confesses an early adulthood flirting with heresy and erroneous philosophies. But then he confesses the wonderful account of grace, hearing the preaching of St. Ambrose, he confesses the great healing of his soul when he allowed his pride and error and hardness of heart to be converted into belief in Christ—when he made the choice, to serve the Master.
St. Augustine is often artistically depicted holding a flaming human heart, a heart, set on fire with the love of God, because he allowed the Gospel call to conversion to penetrate his inmost being, to allow the word of God, the power of God, the light of God to ignite his heart with love and truth.
To heed the Gospel call, to cooperate with Grace, we do well to make a daily confession in a sense, a daily examination of our conscience. What evil in my heart did I fail to bring to God today, what selfishness did I indulge, what uncleanness did I fail to bring to God to be washed of.
If we’ve committed a serious evil, of course, we need to bring that to the Sacrament of Confession, as soon as possible. For venial sin, we repent of it on the spot, ask the Lord’s mercy and healing, with the intention of amending our life, of doing better tomorrow.
Now, of course, if we’re just passing out in front of the television or iphone, it’s difficult to make quiet time for the daily examination. So we need to make that effort, At the end of the day before sleep, to ask yourself and ask God: how did I treat people today? How did I treat my spouse, my children, my coworker. Why was I so harsh to that waitress, that cashier? Why was I in such a hurry or inconsiderate in traffic? Why was I so consumed by that immodest image or fantasy? Was I grateful today? Did I go out of my way to help anyone today or did I demand that everyone bow down to my way? Did I take the time to encourage the doubtful, to visit the lonely? What were my sins today? What were my virtues?
St. Augustine writes, “Urged to reflect upon myself, I entered under your guidance into the inmost depth of my soul,” Every day, have the courage to allow God to lead you into the depths of your soul to be alone with God and allow him to help you look within at your heart, at your choices, your vices, your wounds, your unused gifts and talents. “Entering into myself I saw…your immutable light” says Augustine. Having the courage to be alone with God, you will find, God waiting for you there, even in our woundnedness, with his healing light. For the glory of God and salvation of souls.
