And at that final public audience, Pope Benedict reflected a
bit on his pontificate as a whole. He shared how over those 8 years there were
ups and downs, successes and challenges. He said overall he often had a clear
sense of the Lord’s closeness, that he felt the Lord with Him in his work, and
how there were many moments of light and joy.
He said, "The Lord gave us days of sun and of light
breeze—days in which the fishing was abundant.” Hopefully, you can relate. That
experiencing the Lord’s presence in your life, there are days of warmth and
light and consolation, of successes in the vineyard of the Lord, days when
family life just sort of clicks, meaningful, fulfilling days filled with grace.
But then, Pope Benedict said, “There were also moments when
there were stormy waters and headwinds...” Likely, we can relate to that too.
Life is stormy. There are difficult days where our plans are thrown off course
before we leave the house in the morning, days of chaos, days where the world
seems bent on breaking us, where there is friction with coworkers and even with
loved ones, days of disappointment, days perhaps when it seems the powers of
hell have their sights set on us.
We can only imagine what those difficult days were like for
the Pope. When members of the clergy, members of his staff, really let him
down, where foreign governments resisted the efforts of the Church in spreading
the Gospel and working for justice. Who knows the resistance he faced, the
headwinds, from the enemies of the Church both internal and external, human and
demonic.
But then, Pope Benedict said something, and I remember being
surprised when he said it. He said there were days when it just felt like the
Lord was asleep.
The holy father was of course drawing this image from
today’s Gospel, for this 4th Sunday after epiphany, in which the
apostles become overwhelmed as the Lord slept during the crossing of the stormy
sea.
Perhaps you can relate to this as well. You offer up prayers
and supplications, you ask God for help, and, there is silence. God doesn’t act
in the way we think he should. Stirring a family member to return to Church, or
for the conversion of some wayward soul. When it doesn’t happen, in our time
frame, it feels perhaps, as if the Lord is asleep.
Based on the Lord’s response to the apostles plea, it always
seems like there was test here that the apostles pretty much failed. Of course
we need to cry out to God for help. Amidst the raging storms of life, we need
God’s help. We need his guidance, we need his grace to grant us courage. Scripture
even instructs us to call out to God in times of trouble: Psalm 50, says, “Call
upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you.”
I think the failure of the apostles, though, is their doubt
in the Lord’s care for them. “Teacher do you not care that we are perishing?”
they ask. Of course he cared. How could he not? How could they doubt that?
And so the Lord says, “O you of little faith.” As if to say,
guys, you can do better, you need to trust more deeply, you need greater faith
if you are going to be able to survive the great mission I have in store for
you.
After admitting that there were days when it felt like the
Lord was sleeping, Pope Benedict said, "But I always knew that the Lord
was in that boat and I always knew that the boat of the Church is not mine, is
not ours, but is his and he will not let it sink…I never felt alone.”
Here you can sense that Benedict was not a man of little
faith, but of great faith. Yes he experienced storms. Yes, he experienced
perhaps silence from the Lord, but he trusted, trusted that God is in charge.
Does it sometimes seem that the Lord is sleeping? Fine. But
don’t draw the conclusion, the foolish conclusion that he doesn’t care, or that
he doesn’t exist. This passage is proof that in the life of the disciple there
will be times when the Lord isn’t doing what we want Him to do. Our job is to
trust, and to surrender, to have faith that his care for us is without limit,
that he gives us what we need, for the success of the mission, for the glory of
God and salvation of souls.
A reading from the epistle of St. Paul to the Romans
Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery; you shall not kill; you shall not steal; you shall not covet,” and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this saying, [namely] “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no evil to the neighbor; hence, love is the fulfillment of the law.
A continuation of the Holy Gospel according to St. Matthew
At that time, Jesus got into a boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a violent storm came up on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by waves; but he was asleep. They came and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We are perishing!” He said to them, “Why are you terrified, O you of little faith?” Then he got up, rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was great calm. The men were amazed and said, “What sort of man is this, whom even the winds and the sea obey?”
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