Wednesday of Holy week is known as Spy Wednesday, because on
this day Judas made the shameful bargain with the high priest to betray Jesus
for 30 pieces of silver.
How did this happen? How did Judas go from giving up
everything to follow Jesus, to betraying Him for a miserable thirty pieces of
silver? The beginning of Judas’ downfall was his secrecy. In the beginning of
his discipleship, Judas Iscariot was, perhaps, more open, sharing with Jesus
his thoughts, his dreams, his desires, and his fears. And then, little by
little, Judas became disillusioned and jaded. He withdrew into himself. He cloaked
his temptations, his fears, his struggles, and his failures.
Something very similar happens when a soul stops going to
confession, or confesses too infrequently, or puts off going to confession. One
becomes accustomed to living with the sickness of one’s secrets. One adjusts to
living with them, and they poison us. This is something that the Church has
always known. How important it is to lay bare our souls to a trusted spiritual
father, to admit not only our sins, but also our temptations and our struggles.
This act of humility disarms Satan, and renders him powerless.
When we fail to confess our sins and instead hide them, we
give the Evil One a foothold in us.
Judas must have stopped conversing with Jesus in a personal
way. Certainly he continued talking to Jesus superficially, but mostly about
business. He was, after all, responsible for administering the common fund of
the Twelve. He stopped relating to Jesus in a personal way, as one trusting
friend talks to another, heart to heart.
He could have talked to Jesus. Judas could have gone to Mary and said,
“Mother, behold, my life is filled with wicked desires, with anger, and
jealousy, and pride. Mother, I am ashamed to confess this to thee, but I am
losing confidence in thy Son. I cannot accept His way of doing things. I am
hardening my heart against His teachings. Mother, help me!
He could have said to Peter, “Peter, my brother, tonight,
let us get together for a glass of wine and a plate of figs. I need to talk. I
am confused, troubled, restless. Hear me out. Help me.”
The very act of reaching out is an expression of humility,
and humility opens the floodgates of Divine Mercy. Merciful Jesus, save us,
lest we, like Judas, betray you with a kiss!
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